Welcome to the eTard guide to Pet Rocks!

The wonder pet of all pets! Suitable for anyone, even those that are banned from keeping your average live pets, the Pet Rock is the lowest maintenance pet avaliable, perfect for those who can’t stand feeding or taking proper care of living things, and the love it gives you back for your disregard to its existence will surely fill the void in your life!

Feeding and Housing:

Sprinkle one teaspoon of sand, gravel, grit, or whatever is handy, over your Rock whenever you feel like it. Make sure the food is small grained, as the Rock will become depressed and moody if you force it to cannibalise. You can give your Rock a water bottle but we find that dropping it in a puddle once in a while does the same effect. You can however, go on holiday or forget about your pet Rock completely, and it will still be alive and full of love when you return home / find it in the attic!

A Tupperware box can be a great home for a Rock, but feel free to experiment as your pet Rock will be quite at home in a drawer, shoe, matchbox, etc, or even allowed to roam free around the house or window sill.
Be sure to watch out for any aggression from your Rock if housing with other Rocks, animals or fish as they can be territorial.

Housetraining:

If your Rock is exploring the house, try to keep it on newspapers until litter trained as these rocks sure can leak! Your Rock will quickly learn to drop its pebbles and pee on the newspaper or in litter box, with minimal effort from the owner. You can also train it to use a child’s potty but this may require some assistance from the owner as Rocks do not have long (if any) legs to climb up.

Breeding:

The correct term for Rock breeders is ‘breading’, but to keep it simple we will call it breeding!

Rocks are hermaphrodites – to stimulate breeding conditions, house two Rocks together with a puddle of muddy water and hiding places like pots or shrub grass for the shy couple to procreate in, and listen out for the pitter patter of tiny pebbles within a few days of a successful mating!

Avoid forcing the two Rocks together as they may become aggressive and chip or otherwise damage one another.

Training:

“Sit” and “Stay” are effortless to accomplish, and all Rocks can sit & stay for endless amounts of time, for years in some cases.
“Roll over” requires some help from the owner and some Rocks find it impossible to accomplish this.
“Come”, “Stand”, and “Shake hands” are near-impossible to teach but can be done, depending on the Rock’s trainability.
“Attack” is fairly simple but also requires additional help from the owner.

Playing with your Rock.

You can play with your pet Rock however you like. Some owners like to take their pet Rocks out to the park to socialise them, while others prefer keeping to indoor activities like scrabble and snakes & ladders.

If you take your Rock outside be sure to keep an eye on it, as they will explore and become stuck in holes or up trees. There have been countless adverts for lost pet Rocks over the years, many of which do not become reunited, so be sure to take extra care of your Rock.

Most of all, enjoy your pet Rock! Even if they aren’t fed, watered or cared for, they are guaranteed to live long enough for generations of your family to enjoy!